emma and company - Sheila Hocken Read online

It's the best fish you can have and I've told them we want a

  really good one.'

  i was looking forward to it, but when it arrived that

  evening i took one mouthful and decided i didn't like lobster

  after all. But I couldn't tell Harold - he'd already made sure

  that all the fish was cut up and everything was right for me

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  on my plate. i can't say that i liked people to cut things up

  for me i when i was blind. i appreciated it if they told me

  where things were on my plate. Using the plate as a clock

  made it quite easy: peas at twelve, chips at three and fish at

  nine. But Harold enjoyed cutting everything up for me so i

  let him do it.

  'Do you like it?' Don asked.

  'Y-yes. It's ... very nice.' Don knew from the way i said it

  that i wasn't awfully keen. Harold, on the other hand, was

  absolutely delighted.

  'Do you like it, Sheila? i knew you would. I'm so glad i

  ordered it for you. Perhaps we could have another before we

  go. 5

  '0h! Y-yes, Harold. It's - er - very nice.'

  Betty was silently munching away. i think she'd caught

  the intonation in my voice. i went on eating lobster. On and

  on. It never seemed to come to an end, lobster every

  mouthful. i must have had three giant lobsters on my plate.

  It almost made me feel Ill. i only ate it to please Harold and

  had to remember, at every mouthful, to say how really

  delicious it was and how pleased i was that he'd ordered it

  for me. It wasn't until a few hours later, when Don and i

  were alone, that he told me.

  'You didn't like the lobster, did you, Sheila?'

  'No, not really, but i couldn't disappoint Harold, could i?'

  'I know, but i felt very sorry because he kept giving you

  pieces of his lobster. He thought you were enjoying it so

  much, he hardly had any himself. He gave you nearly all his

  and he pinched a bit ofrbetty's plate for you as well.'

  'Oh no!' i said. 'Why didn't you stop him?'

  'Well, petal, i couldn't. It gave him so much pleasure to

  see you eating it.'

  That was Harold.

  'Here's the book shop, Sheila.'Harold held my arm a little

  tighter. 'Mind the step, it3s a big one. Now then, where do we

  go? Ah, here's your display of books and a scat. There you

  are, you sit down. I'll take your coat.' He took my coat ofT

  and went to find somewhere to hang it.

  34

  'I think Don and I will go and have a look round the shops,

  Sheila,' Betty said. 'You'll be all rightl"

  'Yes, I'll be fine, Betty.'Knowing that Harold would stay.

  Don and Betty went offto do the shopping, and Harold was

  soon back with the manager of the shop.

  'Here we are, Sheila. I've found the manager for you.'

  Introductions over, the signing session began. Harold

  stood at the back of the chair, occasionally patting me on the

  shoulder and asking me if all was well.

  'Do you want a cup of tea?' he asked me.

  'Not at the moment, Harold.'

  'Well, if there's anything you want,just ask me. I'm here at

  the back of you.'

  'Thank you, Harold.'

  'Is the old lad okay?' he asked, looking down at Bracken

  who was curled up under the table fast asleep.

  'Yes, he's fine.'

  'Do you think he'd like a bowl of water or should i take him

  for a walk?'

  'No, don't worry, Harold. He'll be quite happy under

  there.'

  Bracken appeared to be sleeping but now i realize he was

  waiting. Most of the people who came up to have their books

  signed popped their shopping bags down on the floor and this

  was what Bracken was waiting for. While i was signing books,

  he was rummaging into everybody's shopping basket to see if

  there was anything interesting there. And hefound something

  very interesting in one lady's shopping bag: a loaf of bread.

  One of those big long French loaves. i was so busy signing

  books, i didn't realize until Harold tapped my shoulder.

  'Sheila,'he whispered,'the old lad, he's got a loaf under the

  table and he's eating it.

  'What!' i said, dropping my pen and book on the table.

  'Good grief! Bracken, leave it alone!' i managed to salvage

  half the loaf from him, picked it up and put it on the table. 'Is

  this anyone's bread?' i called.

  One poor lady waiting in the queue looked horrified.'lt was

  my French loaf,' she said.

  35

  'Oh gosh, I'm awfully sorry, the dog's eaten it.'

  'Don't worry,'she said. 'It'll do. i didn't want the whole of

  it anyway.'

  I was amazed as she took it off the table, wrapped it up in

  some paper and put it back in her bag. 'It'll do me for tea,'

  she said, and offshe went.

  That's Yorkshire people through and through. Practical

  to the last, unperturbed by anything and always friendly.

  After the signing session Betty insisted we go back for a meal.

  A Yorkshire meal is what we midlanders and southerners

  would probably refer to as a banquet and, sure enough, it

  was. Everything had been prepared. In the corner the table

  was groaning with the weight of the food: flans, trifles, cakes,

  sausage rolls, fresh ham, pickles, lettuce, tomatoes ... it was

  a beautiful spread. Betty set to making me a cup of tea while

  Harold put the plates out. We'd no sooner started eating

  when a knock came at the door. It turned out to be a delivery

  man.

  'Come in,' Betty said. 'Come in and have a cup of tea.'

  He was introduced all round as Bill and he had hardly sat

  down before Betty put a cup of tea in his hand. Harold

  grabbed a plate and sized up the table. 'Now, old lad, what

  are you going to have to eat?'

  'Eee, I'vejust had me dinner, Harold.'

  'Never mind your dinner, look at this lot,' Harold said.

  It was always a challenge to him to make people eat as

  much as they possibly could, and he and Betty would have

  been mortally offended if anyone had gone in and gone out of

  their house without having a good meal. Sausage rolls and

  ham were piled on to Bill's plate. Cakes and trifle followed.

  The poor man could hardly move, let alone continue his

  round, by the time Harold and Betty had plied him with food

  and tea.

  It was when the alcohol started to flow that i became

  worried. Harold took a bottle out of the little cupboard in the

  kitchen that was stocked full of whisky, home-made wine,

  beer - anything you care to mention - and looked eagerly at

  Don, grinning.

  36

  'Now then, old lad' (Harold calls anything male'old lad').

  'What are you gonna have to drink?'

  'Oh no, Harold, i mustn't. Got to drive back.'

  I knew it was fatal. i tried to get up and make a dash for

  the car but i didn't make it in time. Put Harold, Don and

  alcohol together and it has a similar eftect to throwing a

  gallon of petrol on a dying fire. i remember one Christmas well,

  Betty and i remember one Christmas and we're the

  only two who do - we spent up there.
For days after we'd

  arrived home, Don would ask me things like, 'Who bought

  me that tie, petal?'; 'Where did this bottle of whisky come

  from?'; 'What did we do on Christmas Eve?'

  37

  CHAPTER FOUR

  'I'M SURE SHE'S going to have them tonight,' i said to

  Don.

  'No, she won't. Now go back to sleep.'

  'I can't.' i sat on the edge of the bed. i was waiting for

  Buttons to have her first litter of puppies.

  'They're not due yet,' Don told me.

  'I know, but it's no good. i can't rest. I'll go down and sit

  with her.' i sat with her that night and the night after, but

  nothing happened.

  The puppies had been due on Emma's birthday, the i6th

  October, and, as luck would have it, a friend of mine,

  Caroline Whitlock, was staying with us. Caroline breeds

  chocolate Labradors and knows all about delivering puppies.

  When she arrived at tea-time on the Wednesday i was

  in a state of nervous exhaustion.

  'Oh, Caroline, I'm so pleased you've arrived.'

  'Why?' she said. 'Has she had her litter yet?'

  'No, that's just the point. Come and have a look at her.

  Tell me what you think.'

  Buttons was sitting in what is called our Dog Room, which

  is a type of utility room offthe kitchen.

  'Yes, i think she's going to have them tonight,' Caroline

  told me.

  'Mm, I've already spent two nights sitting waiting.'

  'You are a silly.' She smiled at me. 'I told you she wouldn't

  have them till i arrived, didn't i'.-'Now what we'll do is take it

  in turns. If she hasn't had any puppies by bedtime, we'll split

  the night up into shifts.'

  'That's a good idea. At least i can get some sleep.'

  Buttons produced her first little chocolate puppy at halfpast

  ten. It was quite simple: she just had the puppy. She

  38

  looked at it a bit strangely at first, with a quizzical look on

  her face as if to say, Where did that come from? But she soon

  settled down to nursing it. She'd had two puppies by the time

  Caroline went to bed. i stayed up until one o'clock when the

  third puppy arrived, a little yellow one. Two chocolates and

  one yellow. When i dragged myself out of bed at six o'clock

  in the morning, i wasjust in time to see the last puppy of six

  arrive - another yellow. So we had four chocolate and two

  yellow puppies. No matter how many litters i witness being

  born, the miracle of new life never ceases to amaze me. They

  were beautiful. Little Emmas.

  i spent Thursday morning ringing everyone to tell them of

  our happy arrivals. Most people were queuing up to come

  and have a look at them, especially those who had ordered

  puppies. Deirdre was the first one on the scene that evening,

  bringing her two children, Scan and Katherine. Deirdre was

  to have a chocolate male puppy from the litter, unbeknown

  to John, her husband. That first night she and the children

  stood watching the puppies snuggle up to Buttons and

  listening to their little squeaking noises.

  'I can't wait to take mine home,' Deirdre said. 'Won't it be

  lovely to have a puppy about the house?'

  They'd never had a dog, but the children had always

  wanted one. They were almost grown up now, teenagers in

  fact.

  'What about John?' i asked. 'Have you told him yet?'

  'No. I'm not going to say anything to him. Every time i

  mention us having a dog, he says no, they're too much of a

  responsibility and he might let me have one sometime in the

  future.'

  'Oh dear, i don't know whether I'd risk that.'

  'It's the only way,' Deirdre told me. 'Just to appear one

  night with one. He won't make me bring him back, i know he

  won't. He'll love him just as much as we will.'

  Over the next few weeks i had to be very careful when

  John came round that i didn't mention anything about the

  ptippy Deirdre had ordered. The puppies grew not so much

  into little Emmas as into little bundles of terror and mischief.

  39

  i

  They almost ate me out of house and home and there

  wasn't much housework done in that time. i spent most of

  it sitting with the puppies getting to know their characters,

  watching them turn into expressive creatures. i became so

  attached to each and every one of them that it was

  heart-breaking when they had to go. But i was very

  fortunate in the fact that all the litter had been spoken for

  by people i knew, barring one and she was going to be a

  guide-dog. i was really thrilled about that. The GuideDogs

  for the Blind Association breed a lot of their own

  puppies. Their brood bitches are kept as pets by various

  people who live around the Training Centres, and they

  usually go there to have their litters. Sometimes they need

  extra puppies and it was at this time they were looking

  around, so i was able to let them have one of Buttons'

  puppies. They don't just take any Labrador puppy, of

  course. Derek Freeman, who looks after all the breeding

  and puppy walking side of the Guide-Dogs, chooses his

  stock very carefully. He wanted to see the pedigrees of both

  mum and dad - Bracken being the father - to examine

  them not only for type and temperament, but to see if there

  were any hidden diseases, such as what we call PRA

  (progressive retinal atrophy), a disease which attacks the

  retina of the eye. As the dog grows older, it gradually goes

  blind - not the sort of thing you can aftord to have in a

  working guide-dog. But both Buttons and Bracken came

  from impeccable stock and so their puppy was accepted.

  i was very excited the day that i was taking the puppy to

  the Training Centre. i hadn't been to the Leamington Spa

  Guide-Dog Training Centre since i came home with Emma

  so i knew, for me, it would be a very emotional experience.

  Betty, my friend from round the corner, had offered to drive

  me down, not only because she's very good in that way but

  also because she was interested in seeing the Guide-Dog

  Training Centre too.

  It was a beautiful sunny day when we took the puppy

  down, and the autumn leaves were still on the ground. It

  had been sunny the first time when i went for Emma in

  40

  July i966. i looked with keen interest as we drove through

  Leamington itself.

  'What's that road called?' i asked Betty. (i don't have

  distance or detailed vision so i couldn't see the street

  names.)

  'That's The Parade,' she said.

  'Emma and i used to walk along there. Across the lights,

  across the crossing and then into a park. Can you see a park

  up there?'

  'Yes, it has flower gardens in it.'

  'That's the one. Well, you go straight past The Parade,' i

  told her, 'straight down Warwick New Road and you'll see

  the Centre.'

  It brought back so many memories. i could even remember

  how many down kerbs it was from the Training Centre

  into The Parade in Leamingto
n Spa. That's the sort of thing

  you have to remember as a blind person ... how many

  roads you've crossed and where to turn left or right. But it

  was many years since i last said 'Forward' to Emma. The

  Training Centre itself was a beautiful place. Up the drive

  and on to the Tudor style house, into the reception hall

  where i stood all those years ago, shaking in nervous

  anticipation. This time Betty and i stood there, the little

  puppy clutched in my arms. She was my oftering to them.

  My exchange for Emma. She was six weeks old, and was to

  be collected from the Training Centre by her puppy walker.

  She would spend a year learning the basic training before

  going back to the Centre to be taught to be a guide-dog. It

  would be quite a time before i knew whether she had

  actually passed her final test or not. i just hoped she'd make

  someone as a good a guide-dog as Emma had made me.

  Derek was there to meet us and, as he knew that it was my

  first sighted visit to the TrainingCentre, he ofrered to show me

  round. First ofall the kennels, full oflovely Labradors living in

  comfort. I've never seen such beautiful kennels and I'm sure i

  never will. Then the house itself, where i saw the lounge that

  Emma and i used to sit in night after night. It was all so

  different from how I'd imagined it as a blind person, and odd

  4i

  i

  i

  to actuall.~, see where the doors were and where the radio sat on

  the shelf, but no,,s- they had put a clock on the mantelpiece.

  'You didn't have that there,' i said, 'not in i966.'

  'No,' Derek laughed. 'We didn't. We put it there for the

  ticking.'

  'What do you mean?' i said.

  'Well, it's a good piece to listen to, so that you can

  orientate yourself i-,i the room.'

  'Oh, yes, that's a good idea.' i realized I'd stopped

  thinking as a blind person. i didn't have to use my cars any

  more when i went into a room. 'Can i go and have a look at

  the bedrooms?' i asked.

  'Yes, of course. You know where they are, don't you?'

  Yes, i remembered. Through the lounge door, turn left,

  find the mat at the bottom of the stairs - and up i went. It was

  so much easier with sight. i didn't have to feel for the mat. i