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dog, from a nice working background' (I emphasized the

  Word 'nice'), 'then it would be easy for me and I'd learn a lot

  more.' Before he could say no, i picked up the advert I'd seen

  in my Dog Trainiiig Week~y magazine. It was for black

  Labradors. The sire, jasper Boy of Kenstafr, had won one

  Obedience Challenge Certificate, the highest feat a dog can

  aim for in the obedience world. And what's more, the

  ancestors on his side had come from the Guide-Dogs for the

  Blind Association. 'Sandilands Timber' had been one of

  their most famous stud dogs and had sired many, many

  guide-dogs. On the mother's side it was all field trial

  champions. If I'd have tried to make a pedigree up in my

  mind of what i really wanted from a Labrador, i couldn't

  have done better. The speed and working background of the

  field trial dogs plus the easy nature and kindness of a guidedog

  line were absolutely perfect. Don looked at it and he had

  to admit that the pedigree was beautiful.

  'Liverpool,' he said. 'It's a long way.'

  'Betty said she'd take me.' i was beginning to get excited.

  'Oh, you've asked her, have you?'

  'Just in case.'

  'Have you rung up about them?'

  'Yes,' i admitted.

  'And have they got what you want?'

  'There's a litter of eight puppies with three bitches in so

  I'd have my choice if i could go tomorrow.'

  'Tomorrow!' For a moment Don was astounded, and then

  remembering my temperament - if i ever wanted something

  i wanted it yesterday - he put the paper back down on the

  table. 'All right then.'

  'Thank you, petal. i know we're doing the right thing.' I

  put my arms round him and kissed him ... always a fatal

  mistake when the dogs are around. Teak was in first, trying

  to climb on to his knee. Mocha was bringing up the rear with

  Bracken, all trying to get in on the act and the excitement.

  Buttons was lying in the corner crying softly. That was her

  way of expressing that she, too, wanted some of the

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  attention. Emma was fast asleep on the settee, oblivious to

  what i was planning. i rang Betty immediately, and

  arranged that we should set out for Liverpool at nine o'clock

  the following morning. i could hardly sleep for excitement.

  This was just what i had always wanted, i told myself. i

  knew the puppy would be black and i suppose if I'd have had

  my choice it would have been another chocolate one, but you

  couldn't have everything. As it was such a long journey, i

  decided to leave Kerensa at home, thinking she'd get bored.

  'Where are you going?' she asked me.

  'I'm going to fetch another puppy.'

  'Another Emma.'

  'Not quite,' i said. 'This one's going to be black.'

  'Oh, Mummy, can i have a puppy all of my own?'

  Kerensa was only three at the time and she dearly loved the

  dogs and cats, but a puppy of her own, well that was a

  different matter. i let her share the dogs and cats as much as

  possible but i feel very strongly about children who are seen

  pulling dogs and cats about. It's so unfair on the animals.

  'When you get older,' i promised her, 'you'll have your

  own puppy.'

  'But i want one now.' She began to cry. 'Please bring one

  back for me as well.'

  'I'm sorry, Kerensa. i just can't do that.'

  'But i want something of my own. You've got lots of dogs

  and cats and Daddy has. It's not fair.'

  Kerensa so loved to participate with the dogs and come

  out with me when i was walking them, and when i let her

  hold Mocha on the lead she was so thrilled. But on reaching

  the park, Mocha's lead had to be clipped on to Kerensa's

  dress and i had to pretend that she was a dog and walk her

  round the park on a lead. That was fine, but i don't know

  what onlookers thought about my taking a child round the

  park on a lead while the dogs were running free enjoying

  themselves. It's a wonder I've never been reported to the

  NSPCC. i picked up Kerensa's stuffed Siamese cat and gave

  it to her. 'There you are, that's your cat.'

  'No, it's not real.' She got hold of it and flung it to the floor.

  85

  'Well, you can't have animals if you're going to treat

  them like that.'

  'But i wouldn't. That's not a real one.' She stood thinking

  for a moment. 'Could i have a rabbit then"

  A rabbit. That was a new one. She had a toy one

  upstairs which she was very fond of and took to bed with

  her every night. 'Well, i might think about that,' i told

  her. 'I'll let you know when i come back.'

  She began to jump up and down with excitement. 'A

  real rabbit, Mummy! Promise! Can i have a real rabbit

  like Hazel?' (That's what she called her toy rabbit.) i

  realized i had to make a decision there and then. Children

  just can't wait.

  'All right, I'll buy you a real rabbit if you'll look after it

  yourself and clean it and feed it and brush it.'

  'I will, i will!' She was overjoyed and flung her arms

  round me and kissed me, as i had done the night before

  with Don when he told me i could have a puppy. i kissed

  her goodbye and went offinto the car.

  i loved going out with Betty driving the car. She's got

  such a super temperament behind the wheel. She never

  gets harassed or worried about time and if we get lost - as

  we often do - we both sit and have a laugh about it before

  going on our way again. i talked non-stop all the way to

  Liverpool about my new puppy and how clever she was

  going to be. It was even more exciting because, apart from

  Bracken, this was the first puppy i was actually going to

  choose from a litter, and we didn't really choose Bracken:

  he was the only chocolate and we didn't have any alternative.

  So this was my very first choice of a whole litter. i

  could pick which one i really wanted. i told myself i

  would be very careful and look at each puppy individually,

  then watch the litter as a whole before i made my

  final decision.

  Mrs Ward was delighted to see us and she was delighted

  that one of her puppies would go to be trained for

  obedience classes, as the father had done so well and mum

  wasn't doing too badly in the obedience ring either.

  86

  'I wasn't sure you'd come when you told me you lived in

  Nottingham,' she said, as she showed me in. 'Such a lot of

  people ring up, you know, and don't turn up. I'm sure you'll

  like the puppies. They're in here, in the kitchen.' She led

  Betty and me through to a huge farmhouse-type kitchen at the

  back of the house. 'When people are buying them to train

  them like you are, i feel happy that they're going to really

  good homes. i know they're going to be looked after. Here

  they are.'

  There was a big white wooden bed standing in the corner,

  covered in black puppies. One of them rushed out of the bed,

  over to me and sat at my feet looking up at me with longing

  eyes. i picked her up and, as i did so,
I noticed the white

  patch on her chest, exactly the same shape as Emma's. i

  hugged her to me and she washed my chin. 'This is the one,'

  i said. 'This is the one i want.'

  'You haven't looked at them,' Mrs Ward said. 'There's

  another seven there.'

  'No, this is mine. i don't want to look at the others. I'm

  going to call her Shadow.'

  'Oh, please,' Mrs Ward said. 'I shall be very upset if you

  don't look at all the puppies before you make your decision.

  You might have the wrong one there.'

  i knew in my heart that this was the dog for me. It clicked

  the moment i picked her up and the fact that she had a white

  patch like Emma had obviously got a lot to do with it. But, to

  satisfy the breeder, i gave her to Betty to hold while i picked

  each of the other puppies up in turn, but nothing happened

  with them. Shadow was the one for me. Margaret Evans, the

  owner ofjasper Boy of Kenstaff, had come along to show me

  the father and how he worked. He was superb: she showed

  me his speedy heel work and his wonderful distance control.

  He had made it to the big ring at Crufts and i wondered if

  one day Shadow and i would too.

  On our journey, Betty had remembered that she had a

  friend who bred rabbits and felt sure she'd got a litter at the

  moment. 'I'll take you over on Sunday if you like,' she said,

  'and Kerensa can choose one.'

  87

  i

  'If we're going to have one, i think we ought to have two the

  same sex, of course. We don't want lots of little rabbits

  about the place, do we?' i have always had this thing about

  animals living alone. To me it's like a human living all alone

  and never being able to meet others of his own kind. It seems

  very cruel. If we were going to have a rabbit, we had to have

  a pair of them so they'd be company for each other. On

  reaching home, Kerensa was delighted not only with the new

  pup but also with the promise that we'd be going to fetch two

  rabbits the following Sunday.

  Shadow seemed to fit into our household like the last piece

  of a jigsaw puzzle and i was thrilled when she turned out to

  be just as her name implied, my shadow. She was always

  there, just like Emma was. But there was a lot of time and

  hard work in front of me before Shadow would begin to win

  at her obedience shows.

  Six dogs in the house meant a very strict daily routine.

  Kerensa was now at school in the mornings so that my first

  job was to get her ready and ofl'to school. Then the cats had

  to be fed and cleaned and the dogs had to be exercised. I t was

  impossible to take five dogs out at the same time (Emma now

  had just a small walk a day, if she fancied it, so she went

  completely separately from the other dogs), and i decided

  that two and three were easiest to handle. My first walk

  always begins at half-past nine. i come home for a tea-break

  and then the second walk begins. When i arrive home again

  it's time to cook the lunch. There's never a moment free in

  the day. After lunch i have to answer lots of letters, groom

  and train the dogs, and then comes feeding time. And

  evenings are often taken up with Dog Training Clubs. Oh,

  and of course, i forgot the writing bit. I love writing but i

  have to try and fit it in between all the other things - usually

  in the evening when Kerensa has gone to bed. i have bits of

  manuscript strewn all over the place and can never find

  them. How i ever manage to do anything amazes me. Being

  a writer is not like i imagined it would be. i have this picture

  in my mind of a man sitting in a lonely cottage on a hillside

  with total peace and quiet, poring over a typewriter. It

  88

  doesn't work like that for women as there's so much else to

  do, apart from running the home. And now we had two

  rabbits to add to the menagerie. Kerensa had chosen a

  brown one, which she called Hazel, and a white one she

  named Snowdrop. She was very proud of them and most

  mornings she was up before Don and i awoke and would be

  sitting out in the rabbit pen cuddling them and talking to

  them. I'm not a very nice person in the mornings. It takes

  me ages to wake up, so when Kerensa comes into my side of

  the bed and starts to try and wake me, i usually turn the

  other way, close my eyes even tighter and pretend i haven't

  heard her. One morning she came into our room. 'Mummy,

  Mummy, look what I've got.'

  i groaned and half opened one eye. One of her hands was

  clutched round something and i noticed on my bedside

  table lots of little things, black and round. She picked one

  up and popped it in her mouth. i closed my eyes again

  hoping to drift back into sleep and then something started

  to nudge my mind. What was Kerensa eating? What were

  those little black round things? I'd seen them somewhere

  before.

  'They're delicious, Mummy.' She poked me again. 'Try

  one.' She was holding one out to me. i suddenly

  remembered - I'd seen them in the rabbit run. They were

  rabbit turds. i shot up in bed. 'Good heavens! Look what

  Kerensa's eating.' i shook Don immediately. 'Put them

  down, you silly girl. You'll get all sorts of diseases.'

  'But they're lovely, Mummy. i picked them ofl the bush.

  Won't you try one?'

  As i woke up a little more i realized she'd got a handful

  of blackcurrants! Don had begun to laugh.

  'Oh dear, petal, do you really think she'd do that?'

  'Well, you never know,' i said dubiously. Don continued

  laughing. 'It isn't all that funny,' i said to him.

  'No. It just reminded me of that Scottish shop we went to

  on holiday. Don't you remember?' He laughed again. 'Your

  sight is a funny thing. You can see so much, but not quite

  enough.'

  89

  i chuckled as i remembered the Scottish shop incident.

  He was right in one way. My sight did get me into some very

  narrow scrapes. I'd had to learn to interpret what i actually

  saw and this was sometimes very difficult, though I'm sure

  even a sighted person could confuse blackcurrants with

  rabbit turds - well ... maybe they could. After years of being

  blind I'd had to train my brain what to expect and i thought

  I'd got rather good at it. We were on holiday in Scotland

  and, looking round the town, Don had spotted a really

  beautiful tartan shop.

  'I wonder if they've got a Hocken kilt,' he said. 'Let's go

  and have a look.' As the Hockens came from Cornwall and

  not Scotland, i was sure they wouldn't have, but i, too, was

  fascinated by the tartan and especially the velvetiackets that

  were worn by the men. Don left me while he went to talk to

  one of the assistants about the different names of the clans.

  There were beautiful models standing about the shop

  showing the full Scottish regalia and as i still love to go and

  feel things - i don't get a full picture visually unless i can

  touch - i went over and felt the sporrans an
d the kilts, and

  ran my hand along the black velvet jackets. They were

  beautiful. One in particular stood out as being really smart. i

  looked back to see if i could see Don anywhere, and spotted

  him coming across the shop.

  'Come and have a look at this one, isn't it beautiful?' I

  called. The white lace neck frilled over the black velvetjacket

  and i stroked the chest lovingly. 'Oh Don, you'd look

  beautiful in this.' Don looked rather agitated and a little red

  in the face. 'What's the matter, petal?'

  He nodded towards the model. i looked round and it had

  disappeared. 'I was trying to tell you not to touch that one. It

  wasn't a model, it was the manager.' i had never felt so

  stupid before and both of us made a bee-line for the door.

  go

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  SHADOW WAS ALL i had hoped for. She was perfect to

  train, so easy and willing to do her work. At five months she

  passed her ~est from the Beginners into the Intermediate

  Class at the Training Club and i couldn't have been more

  proud of her. She was totally different from the other

  Labradors, not only in looks but in temperament. Of course

  she was black, but otherwise she was everything a Labrador

  shouldn't be for the show ring. Her coat was curly when it

  should lie flat and thick along the i.abrador's back. Her tail

  was long and feathered. Her legs were slender with little

  dainty paws. Her face was long with fly-away, collie-type

  cars. No, if i walked in a show ring with Shadow i was sure

  they'd all laugh. But her temperament was very quietnatured

  and loving. she was eager to be doing things. And

  how wonderful our home was, enhanced by six dogs of

  totally different characters.

  Despite the fact that Emma was now a very old lady, she

  ruled ovei. the five with a rod of iron, expecting each and

  every one of them to stick by the moral standards she had set

  during her lifetime. Although they would canter around and

  knock each other over on our walks no one would ever dare

  touch Emma. But i much preferred to take Emma alone so

  that we could enjoy our steady walks together. On her good

  days she would tell me that she fancied just a little walk

  across the road and up Baulk Lane, where there is an